Regret

What do you regret? When you look back at your life so far, regardless how long, regardless how short, when you think about the moments that led you to the moment you’re in now, how many do you regret? That person that broke your heart, that thing you shouldn’t have said, the one that got away, what would you change if you could?

Now, some people reading this will be thinking, I’d change nothing because each awkward conversation, every sleepless night and all the people I’ve known will have shaped me to who I am today, I wouldn’t change it because it’s part of me and who I am now.

The rest of us? I’m thinking about the stupid comments that only escalated petty fights, saying something out of anger that made you cover your mouth in shock, that comment that was a bit too personal, too impolite and you only realised after you saw the distaste clear in their eyes. I’m speaking about walking into the wrong room and going red in the face at all the faces staring up at you, the moment you rolled your eyes and the person you were doing it at saw you. I’m talking about the moments that make you cringe and squirm even now,

You wouldn’t change them if you would?

Now, I’m not here to tell you how to live or what to think, but someone said something to me that really upset me honestly enough, ‘if I don’t do it then I can’t regret it’. And it got me thinking, these phrases, ‘you’ll only regret the things you didn’t do’- well I don’t agree. If you were in a bad place in your life and wanted to do something, you won’t regret not having done it. ‘You only regret the things you do do’- well I don’t agree either. The amount of times my social anxiety or awkwardness got in the way of me asking friends or putting myself out there, well it’s innumerable. The amount of quotes about regret, ‘regret is a form of punishment in itself’, ‘never regret something that made you happy’, ‘I made decisions that I regret and took them as learning experiences’ and on and on and while, to an extent, I agree with them all, in my opinion there’s only one quote about regret which it universally true:

Hindsight’s a bitch.

Thinking what you could’ve done, should’ve done, would do if you could try again, well, I agree, it’s you punishing yourself. Obsessing over the past, what’s happened, what would’ve happened, what could’ve happened, well there’s only one word for it:

Exhausting.

There’s one quote about regret which really hit home was by Yoko Ono, ‘the regret of my life is that I have not said ‘I love you’ often enough’ and here’s the thing about regret: right now, the second you’re reading this, the second you’re living this: you have a choice. You can leave a nice comment (which is much appreciated) and move on with your day, you can think about it or you can right now click off and go text your mum or dad or gran or gramps or brother or sister or friend or even a fifth cousin twice removed and just tell them what they mean to you. Tell them you love them. It’s as simple as that. The small messages, the small changes, that’s what’s gounna reshape the world and what we think.

So this Tuesday’s homework is to tell someone what they mean to you,

Make the world a bit of a brighter place for someone

Love, Hea xx

Are you happy?

This blog isn’t a ‘blog’ as such, instead, a poem I wrote today. I hope at least one line, especially the last line, will make you think:

 

See those kids in that green park? 

And hear the freedom in their laugh?

You were once them

 

See the teens just to the right?

See them in their empty fight?

You’ll become them

 

See the tears rolling down their face?

Wishing for anything, other than this place?

You have been them

 

See the couple arm in arm?

The way their smiles makes your heart dance?

You can be them

 

See the mirror before you now?

See the furrow in your brows?

 

If your 6 year old self were looking at you, here

Would they recognise who you are today?

If they pulled at your sleeve and said, ‘are you happy?’

Answer honestly, what would you say?

————————————————

Love, Hea xx

(And just a quick explanation of the name, ‘Hea’ stands for Hoping Ever After <–(click here for the blog explaining the name))

Jealousy, normal but dangerous

I get jealous, okay? I really do. But, by definition, (you may have noticed that doing loads of practice essays really drills using a definition to make a point into you, so expect more of that to come), to be jealous means: feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages. It’s completely understandable when you feel left out or not a part of a situation that you feel jealous of the people’s friendship. Or if you think someone has a tiny waist and your idea of perfect legs that you are jealous of their looks. Or if someone walks in wearing an outfit of your favourite brand that you might not be able to afford or get at the moment, you’re jealous of what they have.

But here’s the thing with jealousy: it spirals, hard and fast. 

You’ll see a person and maybe be jealous and that jealousy will grow into resentment. Your two friends will be laughing and your jealousy will turn to anger. That person wearing those brands, that jealousy could go to bitterness. 

On its own, jealousy is a natural feeling, a normal feeling that we all have. If we’re honest, we’ve all been jealous before, whether with or without good reason,

But like any emotion: you can’t let that jealousy control you.

My example is this. Imagine you don’t have much money so you ride a bike to school. You look next to you and see a bus and you think, ‘I wish I could afford a bus ticket’. You know what the person on the bus is thinking? ‘Gee, I wish I could afford the car that that person’s driving’. You know what the person in the car is thinking? ‘I just wish I had that limo, someone to drive me anywhere’. You know what that person in the limo is thinking? ‘I wish I could walk like that man can’ because do you know why he’s in the limo? He hasn’t got use of his legs.

So you know what? Feel jealous. Let it wash over and accept it.

But like anything, never let it dictate how you act or who you are. When you’re always looking for that one step ahead you forget to see how far you’ve come.

So, you know this Thursday’s homework? Instead of focusing on anything else, wishing things would change, here’s what you do. Take a deep breath and look at your past year. You see how far you’ve come? If nothing else then you’re still alive reading this.

You don’t need to be jealous of others, who you are it always enough

Love, Hea xx

We judge people for judging people because judging people is wrong

Realistically everyone judges everyone. The dictionary definition of the verb ‘judge’ is, ‘form an opinion or conclusion about.’ People will take one look at a person and decide what they think. If you were to say that to almost anyone in real life, they would profusely deny it, but if someone walked past you and had loads of piercings heavy eye make up and was dressed in all black and chains, you’re saying you wouldn’t decide what category you would put them into? And if someone walked past you in a short skirt, a push up bra, tight top and over done make up with their blown out hair, you’re saying your brain wouldn’t find a conclusion?

I’m going to admit something that not many people would:

I have a tendency to judge people on the limited information I have on them.

And I know that’s not right. I know it’s not what I should be doing and I know that there are 101 quotes about how ‘you can’t judge people unless you’re perfect’ and ‘if you judge me then that says more about you than it does about me’ but, listen.

Why does judging have to be negative?

When you meet someone and they’re lovely, really kind and sweet and caring: you judge them. You ‘form an opinion or conclusion about’ them. You think: that person is a nice person.

So why does judging have to be negative?

Those girls you walk past and you try to categorise, maybe instead think, ‘she looks like a badass’ or ‘she has such a good figure’. Factually, realistically: you judge people. Whether you share your judgements or you keep it in your mind, you judge people. Whether positively or negatively: you judge people.

So just work on your outlook on that judgement. Whether you decide what you think and refuse to change it, whether you take people on their looks, whether you get to know the real them. Judging people isn’t going to change, but maybe we can.

I asked a small group of people whether they think that they judge people. 64% said yes. The other 36%? They’re lying. Before I get hate messages and people being annoyed at me, every single person on this planet has formed an opinion or judgement on a person. You have. I have. We all have.

So just make that judgement count.