Never be anything other than who you want to be

Who are you to judge how much of someone’s body that they decide to show? Who are you to decide whether that person is then a ‘slut’? 

I know so many people who look amazing and beautiful in their photos but are too scared to post them because they’re worried that people will judge them.

For an all inclusive society, we’re sure doing a lot of judging.

People can post what they like, as they like. It does not then make them promiscuous or inappropriate. Yes, I get it when a photo is indecent exposure. Yes, I get it when that someone who is very young is posing in an inappropriate manner, the parents have the right to ask them to take it down.

But I think, after the amount of terrifying prep school movies we were made to watch about cyberstalkers, we get how to private our accounts and we understand that what is put on the internet stays there,

So who are you to judge?

My friend and I were talking about it, and she said, ‘if a guy posts a topless pic, no one cares. The second a girl does it it’s all this drama’ and she is so right. This isn’t a rant about feminism, no that’s coming later. The point is,

People should be allowed to post what they’d like without the worry of being judged.

People should be allowed to dress as they’d like without assumptions.

People should be allowed to be who they are on their own social media page.

the photo attached, well can you really disagree? People shouldn’t be judged or have assumptions made on how they dress. Or what they post of how they dress. People shouldn’t be afraid of being exactly who they want to be. I know there have been countless occasions where I’ve got a friend asking whether they should post a photo because they’re scared of being judged or people thinking that they’re a slut. In fact, just tonight (the night I’m writing this, not the night I’m posting it) I had a panicked text from one of the least ‘slutty’ people I know, word for word, saying ‘do I need to delete my last pic on insta because there were some people like ‘wow’ and judging me, should I delete it? xxx’

To finish today’s blog I’ll write my exact reply, ‘no, no, no. you look so good and if you like the photo there is no reason to take it down. People are always going to judge, but you need to remember that no matter what anyone else may say, you need to do what you want to’

Love, Hea xx

don’t just look- see

“What do you see?,” I ask him, my eyes transfixed on the swirling mass of white fluff dappling the too blue, true blue, sky,

Spiralling, it begins as a dolphin, swimming in the sea of the sky, the above above our world, and turns into

A mermaid singing songs to the sailors ships, siren-like in her appeal and song, her powers of persuasion but changes into

A bird. Right at home among his own, soaring above cities, swooping and flying and riding the breeze like a wave, and for him, just living and now becoming

A girl. A sweet little girl. A sweet kind innocent little girl, unexposed to the big bad world, so simply being, laughing, singing- simply simple, but she grows up into

A bottle. What of? If only she’d know. Something bad for your health, your liver, and even worse for your judgement, something pouring into the blue, flooding it,

And the man beside me peels his eyes from his LED lights,

Glances impassively at the sky,

Glances impassively at me and says,

‘A cloud’-

And falls back into the world of a phone,

While forgetting his own.

Love, Hea xx

I’m every part of you that you seem to have forgot

I’m the twinkle in your eye when you can’t quite sleep,

I’m the lengths that you’d go to, to make all ends meet,

I’m the croak in your voice when you hazily wake,

I’m the laughter that creeps out while reliving your mistake,

I’m the rise of the sides of your lips you can’t stop,

I’m every part of you that you seem to have forgot.

 

I’m the catch in your throat while you’re fighting back tears,

I’m the rise of your pulse when you’re facing your fears,

I’m the feeling of the hug that you desperately need,

I’m the loud, open laughter, when you’re finally freed.

I’m the moment when you’re flying, so on top,

I’m every part of you that you seem to have forgot.

 

I’m the inside joke you smile at years from now,

I’m the pride you feel as you take your final bow,

I’m the sun seeping, soaking deep into your skin,

I’m the elation running through your veins when you win,

I’m the secret parts of you that you hide, old or new,

I’m real, I matter, I feel, I’m here- I’m you.

Love Hea xxx

It’s okay

Not everyone’s going to like you. You won’t be everyone’s person. You may not have much in common, may not have the same sense of humour, may not have much to talk about.

Or, you may be too similar and clash, may be too different and have all this distance between you.

You may prefer people with stronger characters, you may prefer people with less conviction, you may prefer smarter people, or people with lower intelligence, you may just not be destined to get on.

And I think I have to remind you guys, that’s okay.

Realistically, you don’t like everyone, right? You don’t like every single person you meet, at school, at work, at home-

And I hate to break it to you, but not everyone’s going to like you either.

As my friend described it, ‘you’d have to be a bit of a nothing person for everyone to like you, but even then there’s no way that everyone would.’

And it’s true.

What I like in people are people who believe what they believe and aren’t afraid to disagree with you, people who make me laugh just by being themselves, people who build me and others up, people who know that they’re perfectly imperfect, but that that’s okay.

But someone out there might like people who don’t share their opinion or belief if it causes conflict, people who put on a face everyday, a mask they hide behind, people who are more malicious and hurtful, people who are completely blind to their own faults-

And that’s okay.

It’s okay for every single person you meet to not like you, it’s okay if you aren’t every single persons’ type of person, it’s okay to not get along with every single person,

As long as you get on with the married people, am-I-right? (Sorry, bad joke, bad time),

As long as you have people, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, family, colleagues, peers that you get on with, that you like and that like you back.

Of course, this won’t be the same for everyone reading this, but personally, I would rather have close friends who I trust and love and who trust and love me, than have everyone ‘know’ me and everyone ‘like’ me,

Because that’s just who I am,

And you know what?

That’s okay,

Love, Hea xx

Regret

What do you regret? When you look back at your life so far, regardless how long, regardless how short, when you think about the moments that led you to the moment you’re in now, how many do you regret? That person that broke your heart, that thing you shouldn’t have said, the one that got away, what would you change if you could?

Now, some people reading this will be thinking, I’d change nothing because each awkward conversation, every sleepless night and all the people I’ve known will have shaped me to who I am today, I wouldn’t change it because it’s part of me and who I am now.

The rest of us? I’m thinking about the stupid comments that only escalated petty fights, saying something out of anger that made you cover your mouth in shock, that comment that was a bit too personal, too impolite and you only realised after you saw the distaste clear in their eyes. I’m speaking about walking into the wrong room and going red in the face at all the faces staring up at you, the moment you rolled your eyes and the person you were doing it at saw you. I’m talking about the moments that make you cringe and squirm even now,

You wouldn’t change them if you would?

Now, I’m not here to tell you how to live or what to think, but someone said something to me that really upset me honestly enough, ‘if I don’t do it then I can’t regret it’. And it got me thinking, these phrases, ‘you’ll only regret the things you didn’t do’- well I don’t agree. If you were in a bad place in your life and wanted to do something, you won’t regret not having done it. ‘You only regret the things you do do’- well I don’t agree either. The amount of times my social anxiety or awkwardness got in the way of me asking friends or putting myself out there, well it’s innumerable. The amount of quotes about regret, ‘regret is a form of punishment in itself’, ‘never regret something that made you happy’, ‘I made decisions that I regret and took them as learning experiences’ and on and on and while, to an extent, I agree with them all, in my opinion there’s only one quote about regret which it universally true:

Hindsight’s a bitch.

Thinking what you could’ve done, should’ve done, would do if you could try again, well, I agree, it’s you punishing yourself. Obsessing over the past, what’s happened, what would’ve happened, what could’ve happened, well there’s only one word for it:

Exhausting.

There’s one quote about regret which really hit home was by Yoko Ono, ‘the regret of my life is that I have not said ‘I love you’ often enough’ and here’s the thing about regret: right now, the second you’re reading this, the second you’re living this: you have a choice. You can leave a nice comment (which is much appreciated) and move on with your day, you can think about it or you can right now click off and go text your mum or dad or gran or gramps or brother or sister or friend or even a fifth cousin twice removed and just tell them what they mean to you. Tell them you love them. It’s as simple as that. The small messages, the small changes, that’s what’s gounna reshape the world and what we think.

So this Tuesday’s homework is to tell someone what they mean to you,

Make the world a bit of a brighter place for someone

Love, Hea xx

My experience with depression

Guys, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. My heart is pounding and my head is spinning and I’m not just scared, I’m terrified.

This blog as a whole is about topical issues and our society and are always very positive and optimistic, but as a rule quite impersonal.

But this post is about my experience with depression.

I’m being open and honest and I’m genuinely shaking but this is a blog I’ve been meaning to do since starting Hea.

One piece of feedback I regularly get back is that my blog is no bull and no sugar coating so this won’t be any different. I am not posting this for attention or pity or anything in-between: this is close to me and people I know, so needs to be said.

I had depression. Severe atypical depression for two to three months. Not too long a time in the grand scheme of things,

But it felt like a lifetime.

It was like being surrounded with smoke. You can’t see clearly and that makes it harder to think clearly and that makes it more tiring to get through a day and then you’re using all your energy just trying to breathe. I always described it as a ‘grey haze’ because the world was so drained and lifeless and colourless and exhausting and it was like the air was too heavy, too thick, for me, thicker than it seemed to be for anyone else. And I had to keep going. I went to lessons, tried to concentrate, tried to concentrate on concentrating, all the while trying to be normal and act like everything was fine.

But it wasn’t.

I know, I was fine some of the time. Not just fine, good. That’s why it’s atypical. And I know two to three months is not a long time in comparison to others who have had it. For some people it can last literally years and for some people it’s genetic and clinical and never goes away and for some people it’s annual at winter with SAD. And my god am I sorry to anyone who has that, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that is.

Because my lord is it hard. Hard to try and care, hard to feel like you’re letting everyone down while not having the energy to do anything about it, hard to keep going when everything in you screams ‘stop!’

And I don’t want people going on about how strong and brave I am because I did what I had to do to get through it. Hearing ‘why do you look so depressed?’ almost daily didn’t help, nor did people miming shooting themselves or hanging themselves,

But I did what I had to.

And I’m better. That’s why I’m writing this today. I was walking through the village and as I walked down the street I was just smiling at people, smiling for no reason, other than the fact that I’m happy. I’m me again. With a little help from my friends, both medicinal (legally) and human, I’m getting through it. Still not perfect, still not 100%, but I’m happy

And if you’re struggling I’m not gounna say ‘it gets better’ because if someone said that to me I would’ve rolled my eyes but I’ll say this: it doesn’t have to last forever. i know it feels like it will, but it won’t. there will be good days and bad days, but the bass will get less bad, and the goods even better. give it time.

Love, Hea xx

don’t just exist in your life, live it

What’s the word? The word for when your heart fills and your mind buzzes and you just cannot get rid of that grin on your face? When you hear the thing you’ve been wanting to, waiting to, for too long? ‘You did it’, ‘It’s a boy’ or ‘I love you’. It can be as short as three words, or one, ‘yes’. As long as your language would allow a sentence to be. It could just be the right look at the right time from the right person and you just feel it. How can you put that feeling into words? That smile hidden, the smirk, because you just can’t stop yourself? That feeling of electricity coursing through your veins? That heart race and complete contentment, undeniable and unstoppable? You know what I’m talking about, right? You wanna know what I call it? What word encompasses all those strong feelings, that undeniable joy?

A purpose.

For those sunny days where the heat seeps through your skin, for those rainy days where you and your friend can’t breathe through the laughter, for those moments with that person you love where you just never want them to end. For the tears you cried and someone wiped away, for those lonely nights made better by the only person who could, for those secret jokes and moments, memories in your mind which mean more to you than any money or gift ever could. You want to know what I call it?

A reason.

What’s the word? The word which encompasses all of the laughs, each tear, every secret, every secret smile and hidden scar. What’s the word which describes every feeling and emotion you’ve ever felt.

Oh yeah, it’s called living.

And just you, still being here reading this, just your eyes scanning over my words, just the breath you just let out and the one you’re about to take in,

Well it proves you’re doing a damn good job.

Love, hea xx