Vietnam- day one

So, we made it! After eighteen hours of travel, what felt like eighteen years of queuing and what feels like eighteen seconds of rest- me and ma made it!

Now, I’ve been to Asia before, apparently, but I was far to young to remember a second of what happened-

And just walking out of the airport made me realise

This was something new.

We walked out to a noise to fill a theatre, smells to fill a restaurant-

And people to star in kids’ shows, because of their smiles, their ear to ear grin, their seemingly genuine joy to have you with them, have you sharing and seeing a culture that they’re so immensely proud of.

This is short, I know it is, but I’ll write more about mopeds and LED lights tomorrow, but for now it’s time for a break,

So until tomorrow

Love, Hea xx

the beach memory i hope to have

I don’t know if i want kids. I’m very young and not many, if any, people know what they want at this age. But if i were to, i’d hope for a moment like this to write about. Their firsts when it feels like you have none of your own. I’m warning you all, i’m going to Vietnam and Cambodia so, firstly, I’m not sure if i’ll be able to post things, but if i can there will most likely be a post everyday, so look out for that. I hope you enjoy-

My favourite beach memory? Easy. Most people, it’s how they learned to swim, or the first time they saw the sun infuse diamonds into the water, the gorgeous crystal clear sapphire blue of the water. For me?

Among the emerald stage of the colour gradient stood a little girl, in the classic red and white spotted bikini with the ruffles around the waist, and she just giggled. Stumbled as kids do, while splashing the water above her head and the look of pure, untainted, unadulterated bliss warmed my heart,

Almost as much as the sand below my feet did as I called her towards me, arms out and her eyes fill with joy as she shouts,

‘mama’

Love, Hea xx

a quote

this is unquestionably the shortest one i’ve done and probably the shortest i will do- it’s just a quote. one to remember when you feel like you’re too single or you can’t find the right person or that all the people you have been with have treated you badly-

‘we accept the love we think we deserve’

-the perks of being a wallflower

that’s all you get.

just think about it

love, hea x

You shouldn’t be made to feel weak for feeling  

I’m not going to give you any of that, ‘toxic masculinity’ spew which you’ve heard one too many times. Nor am I going to try and get through to people who won’t either read this or even care. But I was having deep conversation with a boy who’s been through something awful and he kept on apologising and apologising and when I finally asked him why he was sorry he says, ‘because I’m being such a pussy’.

I’m talking to another boy about some deep and heavy topics and what he’s going through and he says, ‘I don’t talk about this stuff much, it makes me feel weak.’ Intrigued by this link, of talking about feelings equating to weakness, I ask a guy whether he feels like he can show his emotions or hurt to the people of the same gender and he said, ‘not unless I was to be called a fag.’

When you’re upset about something, big or small, about family or friends or foe or anything in-between, surely you’d want to be able to talk about it? To be able to show you’re upset? You’d want to know you have friends, well, not even friend, but an environment where you feel like it’s okay to? 

Plenty of people reading this, and yes I am planning on sending this to people in particular who I think would benefit from reading this, will be thinking ‘but it’s such a ‘gay’ thing to do to cry’ or ‘it makes them a ‘pussy’’ or just be thinking that it makes a guy weak to cry,

But why?

Put aside what ‘you think a guy should be’. Put aside what your parents do or what your friends do,

Why shouldn’t boys be allowed to cry?

They’re allowed to laugh without being mocked, right? Allowed to smile? Allowed to joke around? Well then, why shouldn’t they be allowed to cry or be upset or talk about something deeper or more intellectual than last nights’ football game?

So this is a plea to all. If you’re a girl, then don’t laugh at or seem surprised or even make jokes because a guy cried.

And to guys?

Be the friend you’d need when you’re upset. Don’t think it’s ‘cool’ or ‘hot’ not to show your emotions. Don’t thinking that feeling is a sign of weakness,

When in reality it’s just strength,

Love, Hea xx

don’t just look- see

“What do you see?,” I ask him, my eyes transfixed on the swirling mass of white fluff dappling the too blue, true blue, sky,

Spiralling, it begins as a dolphin, swimming in the sea of the sky, the above above our world, and turns into

A mermaid singing songs to the sailors ships, siren-like in her appeal and song, her powers of persuasion but changes into

A bird. Right at home among his own, soaring above cities, swooping and flying and riding the breeze like a wave, and for him, just living and now becoming

A girl. A sweet little girl. A sweet kind innocent little girl, unexposed to the big bad world, so simply being, laughing, singing- simply simple, but she grows up into

A bottle. What of? If only she’d know. Something bad for your health, your liver, and even worse for your judgement, something pouring into the blue, flooding it,

And the man beside me peels his eyes from his LED lights,

Glances impassively at the sky,

Glances impassively at me and says,

‘A cloud’-

And falls back into the world of a phone,

While forgetting his own.

Love, Hea xx

Super Noodles

I know you’ve heard me say this before- well, read me saying this before, but I think the smallest things maker the biggest difference. A smile, a hand, or, for the purpose of this story,

Chicken noodles.

I’d had a long, bad day. My exam results weren’t great, my friendships were messy, my head was pounding and I just felt like everything in the world hated me, was out to get me, wanted me to feel as bad as possible,

So I get up to house, craving the noodles I’d been saving all term, planning on having them to cheer me up but when I look in my tuck box-

Someone had taken them.

I don’t even know why such a small thing set me off but I was so annoyed and upset and, man, I was hungry. I had saved them for a day like this and then someone in this shitty, shitty world had taken them.

So I go to the brewer for tea to calm myself (and this is when the nationality of Hea comes out- believe it or not, tea= Brit) and someone walks in and in a desperate attempt I say, defeat heavy in my voice, shame in asking clear in my eyes, whether they had any noodles,

And this person did the most massive smile said, ‘yes, of course’ and then gave me the exact flavour, brand and type that I’d been craving, and said if I wanted anything else from her tuck box, I’m welcome.

And it was nothing. It was noodles for £0.81 on amazon, the day would’ve passed anyways, the 24 hours would’ve ended and a new one would’ve began, the sun would’ve risen and set the same a always

But it was like my day restarted in that moment. My mood, energy, view of the world restarted in that moment and it was as if the sun would shine for longer-

And all because of some noodles

Love, Hea xx

wait for something worth waiting for

this is written on my phone in the spur of the moment, so there won’t be any capitalisation so, sorry about that i guess.

why is it spur of the moment? i’m sitting in my living room watching a horror film (finders keepers- fully recommend if you’re into creepy) and i hear my brother and his girlfriend giggling and saying ‘let’s play marco polo’. so i hear them running round the house, laughing like little kids and shouting ‘marco’ ‘polo’

and he’s seventeen

with a story like that you’d expect them to be seven or eight

he’s seventeen

he can legally drive a car, legally have sex, legally get married

and he’s playing volleyball and chasing her up the stairs

everyone seems to have this need to grow up so fast, too fast, get drunk, smoke, get high, move too fast with the person you like

but everyone seems to be forgetting the most important thing—

you are the age you are, not the age you want to be.

my brothers relationship is one i’d write a story about. being able to mock each other, be little kids with each other, laugh with each other-

and that’s because he didn’t rush with any relationship, but waited until he wanted to.

and i’ve never seen him happier.

my brother doesn’t read my blogs, so i’m not worried about him seeing this, but you gotta respect that, you know? waiting for something, someone, worth waiting for.

this one isn’t too long, doesn’t make too much sense, isn’t the most eloquently written, but the ones i write because i have the urge to i really mean-

and i really mean this,

wait like him. you have the rest of your life to grow up and right now, is now, not a years time.

love Hea xx