to be yourself…

How difficult it is. To be yourself. To accept the skin that you’re given.

How tiring it is. To be yourself. To give others the ability to get under the skin that you were given.

How daunting it is. To be yourself. To wear with pride the skin that you were given.

How beautiful it is. To be yourself. To relax into the skin that you’re given.


It’s dangerous, is it not? To be vulnerable, to let the leather wear down and the soft flesh show. To give someone the flint to sharpen the blade which could cut.

It’s terrifying isn’t it? Your bare skin laid open like a map to your heart, letting someone use echolocation with the crack of your voice as slat water wells in your eyes.

It’s thrilling isn’t it? the way it’s someone else seeing the parts only the mirror had. The way your breath itself is enough for them to understand every word you hadn’t said.

It’s beautiful, is it not? To feel with someone that despite you having given them Excalibur, the ability to cut you down like corn in a field,

Instead they rub balm on the wounds that were already there.

So it’s valentines day tomorrow and although some of y’all are in love and happy-

there are a fair few of us who are less so.

so, instead of having someone to love,

I write about it-



And she was. Not in how she looked. Not in how she sang. But in who she was. The way her mind worked and calculated, the cogs that turned there whirred faster than her fingers tap, tap, tapping at the desk because her thoughts they work too fast to stay inside her and


And he was. Not in how he was. Not in how he looked. But in how he sang. The way each note rang out like the cleanest chime of a bell on a clear summer’s day. The way the emotion was thick in every syllable that left his mouth.


And they were. Not in how they sang. Not in how they were. But in how they looked, how they looked at each other. The way each one seemed so deeply immersed in the others’ eyes, like all that ever was or would, or could, be with tattooed in the iris of the other and

It’s beautiful.

The way they fit together, not even like two pieces of a puzzle, but like magnets, as though it was physics bringing them together,

And how can you deny science?


Love, Hea xxx

Stressing about stressing?

So this week I have exams and, well, I call them exams when in reality they’re just time fillers for our exam hall- they aren’t the most relevant of things. Anyways, plenty of my friends go into each exam with genuine horror painted across their features and either finish with their wrinkles smooth 

Or they just look confused.

And the thing is, I know what it is to stress. Trust me, I do. Not getting into it but by God do I get it,

But the thing is worry doesn’t change a situation.

Thinking ‘what if’ doesn’t effect reality.

Losing sleep about being tired isn’t refreshing

Biting your nails about breaking a habit is hardly effective

And stressing about stressing is like slapping yourself in the face and being surprised by the sting.

but I stress about everything. About what I’ve said, about how it came out, about what he or she is thinking of me about how my lesson will go, about how my hair looks from the back, about whether my struggling friend will be ok, about whether my family will, every phone call I get I’m expecting bad news and

Dear lord, it’s exhausting.

I overthink about overthinking and

It’s just draining.

I’m trying to train myself by the mantra ‘que sera sera’ which is French for ‘what will be, will be. If someone’s formed their opinion and it’s negative then they’re not worth my time changing it. Once somethings left my mouth or I’ve sent the text, the fact is it’s done and stressing about it won’t change that. 

Self care isn’t all glamorous, baths and face masks and candles.

It can be letting yourself get so worked up your just need a hug

But you gotta remember

These thoughts? The ones that stop you from sleeping? They’re just thoughts.

Thoughts in no way reflect reality.

Please don’t forget that

Love, Hea xxx

When you need to be no one else, who do you let yourself be?

We wear our masks, don’t we? The ones we want to wear. for the person we’re with, a slightly different smile, a different gleam in the eye. It’s so simple isn’t it? Us humans, creatures of habit, we get so used to becoming whoever we feel we should be. We’re glorified chameleons just with a bigger level of self awareness.

We’re 101 people, all shoved into a body but the real question is-

When the night dawns and darkness creeps in, spilling onto the floor of your bedroom-

When the shadows lurk beyond your closed curtains and seep slowly spilling inside-

When your mind lists off all the things wrong with you and making you question all you’ve done-

Who are you then?

Are you who you are with him? Satirical, confident, in control.

Are you who you are with her? Light, breezy, simple.

Are you who you are with them? Raw, open, honest?

Who are you when you have no one else to be?

‘You don’t need to see the sunset

To feel the warmth of it’s colours’


Do you need to know yourself, to feel how warm you could be?

Do you need to understand your mind, for it to ever grow?

How simple it is. To become who we need to be, who we should be.

How simple it is to be a chameleon.

But who are you when there’s no background to blend into?

Love, Hea xxx


Kindness costs nothing. It doesn’t make your life worse. It doesn’t hurt or offend or ruin anything-

But it makes the world brighter.

There’s so much hate in this world. Terrorism, starvation, a sexist Wotsit in charge of nuclear missiles- yes, there’s dark

But we can make it light.

I wear this wristband. It’s blue and looks like nothing and I couldn’t tell you where it’s from but it’s blue and sweet and has little pink writing and whenever I look down I see ‘Today’s Random Act Of Kindness?’

And we should all have that. A reminder to do a small little something. It’s clinically proven that the one of the most effective forms of conditioning is by making yourself do something once daily basis, it becomes natural, almost necessary, for day to day life.

Look, let’s be real. We all love compliments. The most modest of us less so, but all of us can appreciate a heartfelt compliment or show of interest or something small like, if someone drops something, picking it up. If someone looks down, offer a smile.

Be the person you’d want to know.

Because who would you be hurting? Kindness is free, it’s easy, it should be as natural as breathing

Yet so many of us overlook it and opt for the cheap shot or degrading others, which ultimately degrades ourselves and

Uh I find it so frustrating. Message someone saying they looked nice, or just say hi. Offer to carry someone’s things for them if they’re struggling. 

But don’t forget to be kind to yourself.

‘The first rule of kindness is being kind to yourself’

Please, make someone’s world a little brighter,

And it’s allowed to be your own,

Love, Hea xx

I don’t do subtle…

Word of the week- Subtle 

Subtle. Achieved in a quiet or unobserved way that attracts little to no attention to itself so is therefore clever or good. As I’m sure all of you noticed, I’m an extremely subtle and unobserved person who shies away for any and all attention, which is why I have a website dedicated to my writing.

No, I’m just joking but seriously.

I don’t do subtle.

I see absolutely no point of it.

Obviously I don’t march up to someone, insult them then walk away. I’m not that bad.

But let’s say someone asked me a question most people would shy away from. I stand up proud and answer, fully, properly and proudly because

Who has time for shying around the point? I’m sorry, but you’ll regret the things you don’t say more than the things you do, you’ll wish you had told your friend it wouldn’t suit her short before she had it cut, or that you told that girl you liked her before she dated someone else or that-

My goodness, subtlety is so damn boring.

If you dislike confrontation, I get it. It’s scary. To be open and honest and all, it’s terrifying but if someone asks you a question and you avoid and deflect-

You’re not being subtle, you’re being evasive and

I just don’t see the point.

Life’s too short. To spend time on subtlety. Be tasteful, sure. Be kind always. 

But take a risk. If you’re reading this then, well, firstly thank you, but also get off of this and message someone you haven’t for a while and say hi, talk to your crush, tell someone you love them and be straight up and honest. If a friend has upset you then tell them, if there’s an unresolved issue then resolve it but get off of here and do it now-

You regret 100% of the chances you didn’t take so

Screw subtle.

Love, Hea xx


Word of the week- Hope

Maybe I should’ve saved this one. Held on to ‘hope’ for my one year anniversary or my birthday but why save up the good things for later when there’s still now? In my blog explaining my name, ‘hoping ever after’ I wrote this-

What if happy ever after wasn’t just for fairy tails?  What if that just and fair society is one day for real life? Maybe it’s a bit ambitious: but I can hope. Hope is the one thing that keeps people going. Hope for a future, hope for happiness, hope for a tomorrow. And my hope is for our world top have its happily ever after.

And almost a year later I believe that hope is what makes the world go round.

Hope. Hope, the most important thing to keep a person sane and alive. Hope is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen. And isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard?

Hope drives humanity. It’s the one thing that binds us, connects us, becomes us. Hope for a better tomorrow, for a future, for happiness or things to get better or for things to stay the same. Hope for a life after this or to live a life with no regrets. How I see it, all things can lead their way down a winding road, all motivations, dreams, wants- all lead back to hope. 

And it’s so positive. 

It’s ironic, isn’t it? How one of the opposites of hope is reality. When hope is just a want, a need, for things to go well. making the opposite of hope reality, well it makes positivity seem like a waste of time, like an unachievable thing when in reality,

It’s the only thing that really matters.

How poetic is it that the antonym of hope is fear? That the direct opposite of what beats through our veins is what can make our hearts stop. Dread is fear of the future while hope is belief in it. Some people wake dreading the day ahead, some wake believing in it and hoping for a good one-

This year, what kind of person will you be?

Love, Hea xx